21st century.

im going to make this short and sweet.

i am posting from my iPhone and i feel ready for 2012. silly, i know.

merry christmas.

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merry christmas, blogland. i'll be back mid-week next week with ideas for 2012 to get this blog better.

10 tuesday things.

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1. it's 3 days until friday. which means it's 3 days until i have a week off. finally.

2. my husband and i are going on a date tonight. i'm so excited.

3. we need said date because i basically didn't see him last week.

4. i'm really hoping the apartment we're going to look at soon works out. i really want to move and be closer to friends & family. i'm sick of our apartment and it's lack of windows.

5. days until christmas. isn't that crazy?

6. i have wrapped zero presents. i really need to get to work on that…

7. i went to get an iphone this weekend and they are on a 1 week back order. 7 days until i can hopefully get one!

8. i've found so many things i want to create, but i really can't do anything in this apartment. i need more room. when we move, i have a feeling i'll be creating up a storm.

9. i've made a list of all the furniture i want for our apartment. i need to win the lottery.

10. i'm starting to think about some goals for 2012. nothing is set in stone yet, and i don't like resolutions so we'll see where i end up with these goals.

12 days and favorite christmas things.

christmas tree scents. even though i'm allergic to the tree.

hot cocoa, especially with peppermint.

extra time with family and family.

the anticipation of joy on someone's face as they open a gift. to me, it's not about the gift at all, but knowing that they have something they love. i love to envision what the recipient will think when they open my gift.

classic christmas films. i love rudolph, santa claus is coming to town, and the year without a santa claus. the family stone is another great movie. i love it so much i watch it during the summer.

white christmas lights.

decorating the tree with ben.

recovery.

i'm starting to get back into a real routine over here after a very difficult week.

i will have a real post tomorrow, but i thought i would continue a spirit of thanks for today.

i am so blessed and so grateful to have such wonderful family and friends in my life. this past week they checked up on me, spent time with me, hugged me and loved me through a painful loss. i am feeling so full of love and so lucky.

taking a break.

while i deal with a personal loss, the blog will be on hiatus for the week.

next monday i will be back to posting!

creativity & failure

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as i start developing more of my creative side, the above statement is definitely what i struggle with the most. 

i have so many ideas and want to create so badly. but what ends up happening sometimes is that i'm so scared of it not coming out perfectly or not being something that people will enjoy or that will live up to my expectations, that the finished product is less than what i know i am capable of. 

the creativity doesn't shine through. 

i'm sure those of you who create can relate to this. 

we don't want to fail, but we need to learn to not care if we do. creativity is seriously risky business. i'm putting myself out there for the world to see in a creative outlet. all my emotions and abilities are out to be seen. there will be failure. i will mess up. 

but it's okay. 

failure is a part of the journey. i need to push through and allow the creativity to shine. 

ten things on thursday.

i'm more tired than i've been in a long time. i feel like i need to sleep all day long.

i watched you've got mail last night. what a great movie.

part of me wants our apartment to feel like christmas and it doesn't. 

the other part dislikes christmas hype, or hype of any kind and could do without all the stuff.

i really need to get brave and get the tattoo i've been wanting for years.

i really hope we find a new apartment soon. it's time to move.

i love mint chocolate chip cookies. i love that i made them with organic ingredients. 

i worry about money constantly even though we don't need to. i think even if i was a millionaire i'd be tight with our money.

my job still makes me so happy and teaches me so much. i'm so lucky. 

you should try spotify. 

traditions.

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we would have all of our halls decked around here by now, but our christmas decorations are mia. i have no idea why they disappeared from where we stored them, but hopefully they'll turn up. 

for now we have an artificial pre-lit tree and nothing else. 

artificial because last year we had a real one and i literally couldn't breathe for 2 months. it sucked and i'll never have a real tree again. i would be sad, but i value breathing too much.

the tree looks stupid. there are no ornaments. 

i'm not buying anymore. maybe after christmas is over i'll buy a few, but not before then. and maybe not even until next year. the lack of ornaments now has me too annoyed to bother spending anymore money. that stuff is expensive!

i'm trying to get more into the christmas spirit that i was in pre-disappearing ornaments but it's hard when our apartment looks the same but with some random tree in it. 

i'd like to start some new traditions and watch old christmas movies. i'd also love to have hot chocolate but it's 65 degrees outside and our apartment is always so hot, so i don't know if hot chocolate is in the cards for me. 

maybe the missing ornaments are a lesson in my goal to live more simply. i had 3 themes of ornaments purchased, planning to use them on a rotating basis. i can't do that anymore. now, i'll just but 1 theme and live with that. having less is much better anyway. 

my life is full.

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i have so much to be thankful for, and i'm so happy that yesterday reminded us all to be thankful for our many blessings. i'm so lucky to have such a wonderful husband that i can journey through this life with, who loves me so much and makes me laugh everyday. my life wouldn't be complete without him. i'm thankful for in-laws who love me and have become my family, too.

i'm so excited to get ready for christmas, something that is new for me. i could care less about the gift part of christmas. i'm looking forward to all of the warmth and love that christmas brings and i can't wait to decorate our home and bring that love and warmth to us. i plan on watching old & classic christmas movies, curled up with my husband drinking hot chocolate many times this christmas season.

i hope thanksgiving was a blessing to you, as well.

black friday.

i'm recovering from some early morning black friday shopping, so here's a link to a post that will remind me of what i will be signing up for in the future. it reminds me to tell my husband "i love you" everyday, and give him at least a kiss goodnight someday when i haven't had a chance to shower in 3 days because of a baby. but hopefully it won't be like that, right?

babies are good, but hard.

best friends.

"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself." 

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

***

there are times when ben and i are laughing so hard our stomachs hurt, or sitting talking with each other, or cooking together that i remember "he is my best friend." 

whether i'm sitting and watching some ridiculous manly show on the discovery channel with him, or i'm making him watch a girlie movie, or we're shopping at target together, or eating dinner together, or taking a road trip, i know that we're really enjoying each other. 

it's important to enjoy each other in marriage. it's not about the heavy stuff, it's about being friends. 

yes, i love ben. a lot. but i also like him. 

i love being around him. we make each other laugh and do really embarrassing things together that create a stronger bond. 

take the photo for example. 

we were goofing around, taking tons of pictures. during this picture we didn't know what the other was doing. we know what the other finds funny, and so we did that. 

it's moments like those that make our marriage great. 

obviously we're only a little over a year into this lifelong journey, but i'm glad we have a large part of the battle understood. it's about having fun and liking the person you're married to. i'm lucky and thankful to have that.

two more days.

two more days until my favorite holiday. i can't wait to eat more food than i can imagine.

today i'm thankful for:

-having a short week at school

-nyquil so i could sleep last night

-mucinex for being the best cold medicine ever. (can you tell i'm sick?)

-christmas shopping with my husband

-a great family day on sunday

what are you doing to prepare for the holiday? i'm starting to get into christmas mode which is very odd for me because normally i'm not into it until december 24th. i'm just so excited to decorate and be with family.

i think in the next few years i'd like to host my own thanksgiving. the thought scares me but i love the food so much!

getting the ball rolling.

around the beginning of the summer i decided i was going to take all the items i was creating and finally open an etsy shop. at that time i didn't have a job and needed some way to make money and also something to keep me busy.

so, i learned tons of new crafts and practiced sewing even more. i created bags, quilts, paintings, headbands, etc.

now, i'm finally doing it.

well, almost.

i know, 6 months should be long enough, right? wrong.

for months i was too scared. then i decided i didn't like some things and needed to sell better stuff. so i continued to practice. then i decided i hated the name of my original shop so i needed time to brainstorm new ideas. i'm bad with naming things.

now, i have a name. but i am sick of our apartment and cannot create in here anymore. i need windows. our apartment is a cave.

the shop is created and essentially open. however, there are no items.

my goal? jan 2012 will be the grand opening. maybe we'll have moved and i'll have created many more items. i have so many ideas i'm just bursting at the seams waiting to create.

not to worry, the shop will be linked here.

feeling thankful.

-that tomorrow is friday.

-an upcoming night out.

-that i have wonderful in-laws who i can call friends and family.

-a husband who makes me laugh everyday.

giving thanks.

from now until thanksgiving i'm going to post here what i'm thankful for on that day.

-smiling faces at a puppet show

-preschool kids who love hugs

-a pre-thanksgiving dinner

-a husband who makes me feel special

-a paid off debt

thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, so i'm very excited!

shyness.

at one point in my life my father seriously asked me if i was "doing okay socially". he knew i had many friendships, but he was referring to my shyness. my family is all very loud and i am definitely the black sheep. i even walked around quietly.

it must be noted that being shy does not mean that i have no friends, never speak and spend all my time alone. i think there are a great many stereotypes about shyness and many are wrong.

i do in fact talk when i feel that i have something to say, or when i am comfortable enough to. i do have friends, though i would rather have few friends than many friends.

i find the quiet comforting. i don't mind sitting with someone and not talking.

i also feel uncomfortable in large social situations such as parties, church services, classes and large family gatherings. i tend to talk to one person during these events or stand quietly by myself.

one on one conversations are easiest for me.

i hate talking on the phone, ordering food, or asking questions. i feel nervous and awkward and most of the time i have my husband do these things for me if at all possible. thankfully i married a man who is willing to do all of this for me even if he finds it ridiculous sometimes.

facebook has made my life easier. i can "talk" a great deal without actually having to say a word. the same goes for this blog.

i can tell you about my shyness without having to talk to you face to face, especially if you're a stranger.

when i get dressed in the morning, i often change my clothes because i don't want anyone to notice me and i'd rather blend in. so, i don't dress with confidence. i stick to neutrals and solids. patterns are scary to me.

i came across this blog today, and i identify with a lot of the topics that she discusses on her blogs. however, i will not be starting my own shyness project anytime soon.

i'm an introvert who also happens to be shy. i'm not the shyest person i've ever met, but i'm definitely shy. i'm not friends with other shy people because we just bring out the awkwardness in each other.

i'm okay with being shy. i'm okay with also being introverted and needing time alone everyday otherwise i feel completely overwhelmed. errands are exhausting to me, and i'm sure the checkout person at the grocery store thinks i'm rude when i'm actually so nervous to talk to them.

shyness may be a weakness at times, but i'm okay with it. i know who i am. so kudos to the shyness project, but i'm happy being me.

continuing with the theme.

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“We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.”

- Marjorie Pay Hinckley

marriage.

this quote from an article about love is something i identify with in a very real way, especially the middle paragraph.

"My husband and I don’t have a great “meeting” story. We met in a conventional way and had a conventional wedding. And in some sense, we lead a conventional life.

But my husband has seen me at my worst, at my most vile. And he has seen me at my best. He knows the things I don’t tell anyone, and the lies that I tell everyone but him. I have made sacrifices for him and been angry about it. Sometimes his flaws are so egregious, so blatant, they are all I see. And sometimes his kindness is so stunning that I am humbled.

And that’s love. Big, epic, fairy-tale love. The kind of love people write about. The kind of love that could inspire a poem."

read the article here.

inspiring.

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"love of music, of sunsets and sea; a liking for the same kind of people; political opinions that are not radically divergent; a similar stance as we look at the stars and think of the marvelous strangeness of the universe - these are what build a marriage. and it is never to be taken for granted."

- madeleine l'engle

not a typical friday night.

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we finally did it. well, sort of.

my goal for a night unplugged finally happened, and rather organically.

i've been talking about how i want to get rid of cable if something doesn't change. having a husband who only wants to watch tv for fun officially wore me out on friday and i asked if we could go out for dinner and spend time without the tv on.

this was easy for me, hard for him. he kept rushing me through things. we were talking and he said "when are we playing scrabble?" he even asked if we could watch a movie afterwards. i love this man, but this need to always have a tv on is driving me crazy!

after hours of talking, silliness and 2 games of scrabble (1 regular and 1 speed round) i gave in and let him pick a movie.

this little experiment on friday really showed me that my husband needs to find other things to do besides stare at the television and i need to find ways to help him do that. it's easy for me, but hard for him (which is okay).

i'm determined to keep this experiment going. there is no more tv on unless there is something specific that wants to be watched. i know it probably seems like i harp on this on my blog but it's a real struggle around here, and i'm being honest.

i don't think we need a specific day where we aren't allowed to use the tv, laptops or phones, but some time every now and then is probably good for our brains and our relationship.

consider this my last post about the stupid television. more to come about simple and clean living, crafts and holidays!

simple.

i've been feeling really inspired to simplify our life over here. if i were to take pictures of what our apartment looks like right now i'd be too embarrassed to show you!

i feel like we have too much stuff, and we have even more stuff being stored at ben's parents' house.  i want to live with less, want less, need less, and buy less. it's so hard living in a world of "more" when really i just want a simple life with as few items as possible.

tomorrow the kids have a snow day (the kids i teach) so i'll be spending my day deciding what needs to go and what needs to stay. this goes for literal items as well as parts of our daily life. just as some clothes, books, and other random items will be donated, so too will activities in our lives that are not doing their part to create a happy and healthy home.

our food needs to be simplified, too. i've been lazy about cooking and my body knows it. i need good, real food from scratch that i can feel happy about when it's on my plate. sometimes i'm so tired i cannot imagine cooking, but when i do i feel so relieved that i'm eating good organic food that i cooked myself. i can't wait to have a house someday with a garden of fresh veggies. for now, i have to buy as fresh as i can (which is so hard in a new england fall/winter) and cook as real as possible.

visuals.

my blog has almost no pictures.

i never remember to take pictures of anything.

i don't carry a camera around or anything, and anytime i need or want a picture of something i tell ben "hey get your phone out and take a picture of that". i then promptly forget about the picture.

but this blog will be super boring if i dont' start taking pictures. so maybe if i write it here that i need to start taking more pictures to show the blog world, then i'll actually do it.

up next: more blogging, more photos. watch out world!

laughter.

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"all you need in the world is love and laughter. that's all anybody needs. to have love in one hand and laughter in the other." ~august wilson

celebrate.

in the midst of stress, exhaustion and the mundane every day life, i am looking for things to celebrate.

this week i will celebrate:

-a student who giggles at the silliest things

-preschool hugs

-great afternoons

-a husband who does dishes

-coffee with a dear friend

-in-laws who i feel so lucky to have

-music

-inspiration to be more present in my life

-a husband who can cook breakfast.

-and who will learn to cook with me.


daily life has plenty to celebrate. this week i will focus on the little daily celebrations. like remembering to blog today.

getting it all done.

sometimes i fall into the trap of thinking i have to do it all.

somehow i'm supposed to come home after being with kids all day who don't know how to listen (literally, we have to teach them to pay attention to us--not their fault) and spend time cleaning and getting my husband to listen to me.

why do i feel like it's my job to make sure everything is "just so"? who said that as a wife i have to make sure everything is clean and in order? granted i do have to cook because i would end up doing it regardless.

as i did the dishes this morning, i found myself wondering why as a wife i think these things are my responsibility. to be fair, i almost never do dishes anymore. that chore has somehow morphed into being what ben does and i'm honestly very okay with that. but the rest of it? well, i somehow manage to make it my burden.

i made a list of all that i want to accomplish this week. and then i decided what things to give ben to do. out of a list of about 30 things, i think he has 7. why? why do i think it's fair to give him only 7 things to do, and burden myself with the other 30? we both work. we both get tired at the end of the day. we both live here and pay to live here.

i need to stop thinking it's somehow my responsibility and start leaving more to share with him.

what really ends up happening is i get so overwhelmed with all i think i have to do that i end up doing nothing, already so exhausted by just the thought of the list.

being a wife doesn't mean it's my job to clean or do anything else wives end up doing. it means i'm part of the team. so it's time to take some burden off of me and share a little. to be fair, this has nothing to do with ben and all to do with me. he doesn't notice when i skip out on things.

a girl who reads.

i like to think i'm a girl like this. also if god forbid i have a son instead of a daughter, he's not allowed to date someone that isn't like this.

Date a Girl Who Reads by Rosemarie Urquico

Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes. She has

problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she

wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her

bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out

when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a

second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when

they are yellow.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug,

the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the

 author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. 

Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship.

Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound

intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, and for

anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton,

Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the

difference between books and reality but by God, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her

favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other

things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who

understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin

again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like

characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her

chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she

will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while,

they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick.

Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest

yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She

will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the

winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow

off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful

life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then

you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

Or better yet, date a girl who writes.

what will happen to them?

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i can't help but wonder about the kids i work with each day.

when they go to kindergarten, will they make friends? young children are usually forgiving but teasing and outcasting starts young. will these kids be quickly turned down by other youngsters? what about in middle school? like max in the picture above, will they keep to themselves because it's easier than making friends?

max tries so hard to make eye contact, say his name and follow the rules that he is presented with but still he struggles. will the kids struggle with rules, or be noticed so easily because they are different?

i generally feel hopeful about what i'm doing. i know that the hours of work i spend each day 1:1 with a child translate into better social skills, speech, play skills and academic skills. sometimes the other kids in the non-aba classrooms don't even notice that my kid is different from them somehow.  i know that i'm making a concrete difference in a child's life and i truly love that.

i can only hope that in 10 years that they will be playing with the kids in the playground, instead of reading a book alone like max is in this picture.

inspired week 1.

each monday i will be doing a simple post of a quote or lyric that inspires me. each wednesday i will also have an inspiration post, but will be more about pictures or other elements i see that inspire me. i need more inspiration to remain creative now that i'm spending most of my time working. 

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love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you/it will set you free/be more like the man you were made to be/ there is a design/an alignment to cry/of my heart to see/the beauty of love as it was made to be

figuring it out.

this transition into a full time job is still pretty difficult for me.

by the time i get home i'm so tired that the last thing i want to do is bag the clothes i have on the floor that need to go to goodwill, to put away the dishes, to hang up the new glasses i just bought or to make the bed. i'm looking at all of that mess as i write this post. i know i need to clean, but i can't find the motivation.

i need some balance. i am being reminded why i need a routine, because otherwise nothing gets done.

this blog is one of those things that is falling by the wayside during this transition. i like the challenge of posting every day or every other day and i do want to keep up with it.

but for now, i'm recovering from a work day that was busier than usual, leaving me with work at home too. i have laundry calling my name, dinner that i need to cook for myself, and shoes to put away.

better posts will follow. i swear i have a list of blog posts ready.

say something nice.

i've had quite an interesting week so far. some very bad, and some very good.

amidst all the events of this week i have yet to have time to write out some decent blog posts. so, instead of a more lengthy post today i decided to share this video with you!

isn't it amazing what people will do with an opportunity for kindness? this video really makes me love people.

one.

one year ago i walked on a sandy beach towards his smiling face.

i walked by myself. it was daunting, and i was very nervous about being the center of attention for those long 30 seconds.

it was so worth it.

the first year of marriage is awesome and challenging. i knew ben so well before, and still have really yet to be surprised by anything he does or says. but that doesn’t mean we didn’t grow or change or learn things about love, our relationship and what we want for the years to come.

we’ve set the foundation.

of course we can change as needed, but this was a really important year. i’m not just saying that because it’s what every married person says. i actually mean it. there is some adjustment, some learning, and some growing. i know so much more about myself now than i did before.  i know how bad my worst really is, and i know how good my best is capable of being, all because of a man who loves me through all of it.

i have a partner for life. someone who will be here through everything. we are a team, and i love it.

i feel like i’ve been missing something by not being married before. everyone should get married. and frankly, everyone should be able to get married.

i live with a wonderful man who makes me laugh every single day. we can act so ridiculously together and have so much fun. that is what life is about. having fun. enjoying each other. really liking the person you’re with.

sometimes hearing “i love you” kind of loses its intensity. but when someone says they actually like you, that’s big. and i know that ben likes me. and for the record, i really like him. he is the best man i know, who really makes me want to be the best woman he knows (he would tell you that i am, but i know far better women).

we celebrated our anniversary (which was yesterday) with a whale watch, and a trip to our beach. as we sat watching the sunset as we did a year ago, i thought of how i felt like we’d always been married, but at the same time it felt as though we were literally there yesterday getting married.

i will say that the sunset following a hurricane is much more beautiful than the one we experienced yesterday. so i’m thankful for that hurricane 363 days ago that made our wedding at sunset so beautiful.

happy anniversary, ben.

the first day.

yesterday was my first day at my new job.

this isn’t just any job. it’s the job i really want to do. not just the 9-5 this-pays-me-money kind, but the i-feel-a-sense-of-purpose-and-belonging-here kind. the kind of job i know that i’m perfect for and was made to do. my career

yes, my job will change within this field, but it’s where i’ll be when i'm working.

the beginning of the day was inspiring. as i sat in an auditorium full of district-wide staff from the superintendent, to teachers, to secretaries, to me, i felt like i belonged. i looked around and felt inspired to do more to contribute to the lives of children.

and not just any children.

the children who need help, who need guiding to learn simple tasks like numbers and colors and to look someone in the eye. the kids with autism.

those are my kids. they are where i belong.

i have only met a few of these children, but on tuesday i’ll meet all of them. i’ll meet their parents. how amazing.

i am so excited to learn so much this year from these littles, and about how to help them.

i can’t wait to learn what steps i can take to further my career.

have i mentioned i’m so excited and i feel purposeful?

i’d like to say i’ll update, but my job is confidential so i can’t. i might talk about what i learn myself, but i won’t be mentioning any specifics.

to learn more about autism and how to help visit autism speaks. 

lights out.

there was a hurricane that turned into a tropical storm. did you hear? her name was irene.

well, irene and i are not friends because she knocked out our power. i'm still getting my bearings and will be back to blogging on wednesday. i'm a little behind on posts!

for now, read this ad for an awesome roommate.

sailing the friend-ship

lately i’ve really been thinking a lot about what it means to be a friend. i don’t just mean someone you talk to every now and then who might know something about you, but a real true friend. the older i get, the more i realize how important these relationships are—the friendships i have.

being married means that i’m always around my very best friend. but being married also means that my other closest friends need to become a more focused priority for me. in highschool, that’s what it was all about—having friends and having fun. in college i learned that having adult friends is different, and can be something lifelong. i learned how to live with someone else, and how to keep up friendships when our lives are going in different directions.

now i find myself in that adult part of life when everyone has jobs, spouses (or significant others), and maybe even children. suddenly it’s not so easy to just go out for coffee, or go shopping. if i talk to my very closest childhood friend more than a few times a month i feel lucky. spending precious time with this friend one time during a month is a real treasure to me.

marriage is its own adjustment, and in that adjustment i’ve had to learn how to balance all the relationships in my life while keeping my most important relationship with my husband as the priority. there are times when i have been truly sad and longing for more time with my friends (especially in the first few months of marriage). now that nearly a year has passed, i find myself coming out of the newly-married caccoon and reaching out for more friendship connection. i long for connection with other young women—with my friends.

i often wonder how i can be a better friend, and short of bluntly asking my friends, i have spent time contemplating and wondering what it means to have an adult friendship as our lives get busier and busier. i don’t think things like facebook and twitter even remotely help build and maintain a friendship. sure, it’s good for keeping in touch with long-distance family but i often find i feel more negative feelings about facebook than positive ones. i don’t use it to keep in touch with friends and if anything i think it hinders our abilities to spend real time talking and spending time with our friends.  what does help friendships are the little things. friendship is not comprised of big moments, it’s those quick conversations, those secrets, the trust, the understanding. these little things are really the big things. this is how to be a better friend. it’s the quick notes to say hello, the quick “feel better!” note.

friendship is work, and needs focusing. we are going to need each other to understand our lives, to have a woman to talk to about jobs, having a husband, having a baby. i really love my friends, and as i contemplate these ways to be a better friend, i feel lucky to have such wonderful women in my life who are all good friends, and who really teach me about what it means to be a good friend in return.

happy.

{source}

i’ve honestly been having a really rough couple days. i’m just feeling as though nothing is working out the way i need or would like it to, and with one step forward i make two steps back. in an effort to remain focused and grounded, i’m listing off the things that have made me happy today.

• a husband who hugs me when i’m feeling discouraged.
• chocolate chip cookies.
• feta cheese on my salads.
• sewing something new in spite of 3 broken needles.
• my pandora station.
• ben not having to work until noon, meaning we got to sleep in and enjoy our morning together. normally we don’t even see each other until after work.
• the anticipation of a day off tomorrow with ben and a trip to boston.

thinking about the things i have to be thankful for and happy about really helps on days when i’m feeling less than happy and thankful.  

the stupid box.

friends, how much tv do you watch? do you feel like it’s too much? we don’t really watch that much tv (maybe 1 or 2 hours a night), but i noticed that slowly our time in front of the tv is increasing, and my satisfaction with my day is decreasing. i hate feeling like a blob on the couch that has done nothing useful that day.

i have tried persuading ben that we don’t need cable, that we’d be fine without it. i have lost that battle as hard as i have tried, but that doesn’t mean changes can’t be made.  i’ve suggested focused tv-watching. this means that we’ve picked out one thing to watch (or ben has picked something because generally it’s him watching and me half paying attention half on pinterest) and that’s it. we know what show we’re picking and when it’s over we’re done. no scrolling through to find something, we watch and we power off. i know i could simply cut cable and say “oh well, it’s gone!” but i want a happy husband and that means a compromise.

i've also thought of having a day where we're "unplugged". no computers, no tv, nothing. i think it would be really eye-opening for us, and provide a motivation to spend less time with the tv or our laptops. 

so, i’ve been trying to make more of an effort to have less tv time in order to have more productive time together with my husband, as well as apart from him so that i can paint, sew, draw, write, create. by sitting on my couch i’m missing so much of what life has to offer. there is so much going on especially in the summer, why sit inside or at least on the couch? we could be doing so much more. i want to learn new games, new crafts, and make our apartment feel more like home.  we’ll both be happier with more time to read, talk, listen, learn, and see.

consider this my reminder to myself to turn off the tv like my ballet teacher always said to. she hated tv and always called it the stupid-box or something like that. i need to remember her disdain for tv and use it as a reminder to do something more productive.

creating.

i have a need to create. do you?

when i think about my goals and dreams, what makes me happy, i have noticed they all have to do with creating something. whether it’s cooking, sewing, writing, painting, organizing (creating a clean space!) or even desiring to be a mom (creating life, how cool!), i am happiest when i am making something. i find great joy in starting from chaos, from a mess, or from nothing and using my inspiration to create something new and different.

as i’ve become more aware of this fact about myself i try to make sure that i am doing something each day that fills this hunger for creating so i am purposeful in my day. yesterday i sewed something and made dinner. today i am writing, will probably paint and will make dinner again.

i love being in the kitchen, throwing things together and having them work together in a way that creates a delicious meal. i did not make the foods, but i make a meal by allowing them to work together in harmony.  

i love taking my newly acquired sewing skill and putting myself to the test. i take fabric and turn it into something beautiful that i can feel proud of.

i always wanted to paint and with encouragement from my husband, i started. i take the visions in my mind and put them onto canvas. i will admit i’m not very good, but i am happy when i see my work, knowing i put forth the effort, and happy because i created. 

bonds.

{found here}

i have 2 little sisters. one is not so little, and well the other one doesn’t want to be called little but she will always be the baby.

i love when i get to spend time with them, rare as it is.

one lives several states away and i get so excited when she comes home for the summer. i so love any time we get to spend together (usually it’s shopping—her favorite). she has so much potential, so much going for her. i get to see her continue to flourish, to learn, to move into adulthood which can certainly be a painful process. we learn things we don’t want to, we see things we’d rather not, and we learn things about ourselves that we have to do something about. this sister of mine is going to knock our socks off someday, i just know it. i really cherish her.

the little one will always be my baby. she reminds me of what childhood is, and her innocence and joy is such a treasure. she reminds me of what it meant to be a kid and helps me not to take life so seriously. she has cute little phrases that make her sound so grown up, but full of childhood. she almost beats me at mini golf until she gets too distracted by the thought of ice cream to focus on her putts. she loves clothing with sparkles or hideous patterns that i wouldn’t dream of wearing. she’s precious, and is 8 going on 13. we’re all doomed.

i used to wish i had a brother, or brothers. but now, i’m glad i don’t. the bond between sisters is unlike any other and it cannot be understood but by those women who are lucky enough to have one.  i love being a big sister. i didn’t always love it, though. it’s hard having 2 younger ones who want what you have now, who try to be like you and it really turns into annoyance. it’s hard to have the burden of responsibility, to show them how to be a woman, how to have self respect, how to be a girl, how to grow. but i love this. i hope they see through my mistakes and realize that i love being their big sister.

i don’t get to see these precious girls very often, but any moment that i do lights up my day. i love them and i’d be lost without them. 

little women.

think about the last time you talked to a little girl. what was the first thing you asked her or commented on? i’m willing to bet it was about her appearance in some way. why do we do this?

i recently read another blogger’s post about this topic and it really got me thinking. now, when i encounter a girl or woman i am sure to ask or comment about something substantial rather than saying “oh cute skirt!” or “you look so pretty!”

check out this post (and the rest of her blog):

how to talk to girls

what i've been up to.

A little bit of this…

{made this skirt}

Making a little bit of that…

{chocolate chip banana bread with really bad white balance}

Doing a little bit of this…

{future throw quilt...will update when finished}

We’ve been busy. Well, I’ve been busy and that’s saying something because I don’t have a job right now. I keep saying “I’ll blog later” and then I continue on with my day and I forget to write a post. I swear I’ll get better.  I think I need some routine to help me out.

Not having a job means I have 10 hours a day to myself to watch really bad tv, get lost in Pinterest, and sometimes I clean things or bake as you saw above. I am starting a quilt. So far I've sewn together 8 out of 13 rows. I blame Pinterest. 

I have been reading a little, too and I really need to get better about that. I just wish our library didn’t have 52 holds on every single book on my list of books to read. Yes, I have a list. It’s quite long and will cost me a fortune if I have to buy every single one on my Nook. Do you hear that, local library? Help me out here.

***

My best friend was married on July 30 and it was a beautiful day. She is such a wonderful woman, and her man is so lucky to have her. We have been friends since we were 8 years old and I am so happy for both of them, and to have been a part of such a special and beautiful day.

My husband had the job of videoing and taking pictures, and unfortunately he took very few. But here are the two that I have.

All of us:

They are so in love.

the little things.

It's the little things.

The way we hold hands walking to the car, or in the grocery store, or at Ikea that makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Sometimes I think "Do you see him? He's the best man I know. I'm so lucky and I wish you knew him too."

When we stay up until we're past exhaustion building something together. Those dresser drawers may be a pain in the butt, but we're working together. We're laughing, making jokes and thinking about the best way to get things done.

The way we get to sit and eat dinner together.

When he walks to work so I can sleep just a little longer, even though I wake up when he says goodbye.

These moments and more are what make each day a blessing. Nothing big has to happen, nothing important. It's all about those little moments that make each day special somehow. Whether it's a smile from a stranger, a rainbow after a thunderstorm, a smile from a spouse, or a really good dinner, any small thing can make life special. Life is full of so much good, so much to enjoy and sometimes it really takes some effort to notice it.

****

I've been feeling a little "off" the past few days. I have trouble sleeping, and some things make me sad when I normally wouldn't be phased.

I have to make an effort to regain my balance, to feel right and me again. These little things center me and remind me what life is about: the good. There is so much good and so much to enjoy and when I remember this, when I focus on it and let it teach me, then I feel myself again.

***

I'll be back in a few days to talk about a beautiful wedding.

it's monday.

It has been a little crazy over here for us. We've just moved to a new apartment (and already started looking for our next one...we're crazy), I am in between jobs, Ben's work schedule has just changed, and one of my best friends is getting married on Saturday.

Life is changing at a rapid pace.

It's amazing I can keep up with myself, let alone any of my friends or family.


****

Today has already started to be "one of those days". I woke up way earlier than I wanted to. When I went in the kitchen to put some dishes away, I broke a glass. The glass got all over the floor and counter, and cut my pinky in the process. Then when I was sweeping I kneeled in more glass. After using the vacuum I realized I have literally no place to store it. Then I went to get a bowl for breakfast and broke that too, cutting my finger again. I swear I didn't cry...

The day will get better though. I have too much to do for it not to be a good day. I have an interview to prepare for, things to put away, and yoga to practice (I'm getting better).

Hopefully I won't break any more dishes.


****

I have many things to share about what I've been up to in the last 10 days. I have been creating and feel the spark to keep doing so. I will start putting more pictures on here to make the blog a little more interesting and to show what I create and where we go.

Happy Monday.

yoga update.

Let's be real with each other: I have not done yoga 3x a week since my goal post, simply because it's been too darn hot.

Our apartment is blessed with wonderful 7 1/2 ft windows (yes, those are the real measurements) and while they look great with our 11 1/2 foot ceilings, they let in too much sun. Yes, you read that correctly I'm complaining about the lovely sun they let in. Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful and definitely energy efficient. But it makes it hot. Really hot. If it's 95 degrees out like it has been, well, it's 95 degrees inside. No, we do not have an air conditioner in our living room. We have a fan and windows but they don't help.

It's the sun's fault, and I'm not into whatever kind of yoga it is where they make the room 100 degrees and you sweat to death. No, not for me. I tried and gave up after a few minutes.

I have done some mini-yoga stuff here and there, but no real workouts until this morning.

Jillian Michaels ruined my yoga this morning. I bought her yoga meltdown to add a kick to my yoga and I was annoyed the whole time. Yoga is my happy place and she annoyed me out of it. Next time, she gets put on mute. The work out was good though. I felt like I really accomplished something and my body said "Thank you, I needed that."

I will do more yoga, and my next update will be one that says "I did it!" Today, is not that day. Being accountable here is helpful though. I really want to improve my yoga practice. Yoga gives my body the stretches and strength building it needs all the while centering and focusing me on my breath, my body, my health. I love it. Plus, I want to be able to do this:

sitting pretty.

For most of my life, I've wanted to live in Pennsylvania with the rest of my family. I love their farms, their great stretches of open fields, the daily cow sitings, the great cities so close but far enough away to breathe fresh air.

About a year ago, Ben and I decided we were really going to do it, we were going to move to Pennsylvania. The only problem was we had a lease on our apartment so we'd have to wait. So, wait we did.

In the spring we started looking for jobs. I searched, I read, I hunted, and I strategized. Our goal was to move in August because our lease ends in July and it would just make sense to move right then.  We knew it wasn't right for us to move without a job.

Here we are, mid-July and still no job. I know, the economy is bad, etc. But that wasn't the problem. Ben's line of work often isn't hiring no matter how good the economy is. Employees stay for 15 or 20 years, meaning that he would be lucky to find an open position. One company said they just hired someone a month ago. If only we had called a month sooner....

So, ben went with a back up plan, to no avail. The company uses a staffing agency. Naturally you have to be in person to register with said agency and there is no way to work for the company Ben is trying to work for unless he were to use the staffing agency. We just took our honeymoon, we have no vacation days.

So, my heart has had to learn to be happy here and appreciate the good about where we are even though it longs for green grasses, fresh air and the ones I love so dearly. There is so much good here, and there is so much good in Pennsylvania too. I am excited to stay near friends and family that are here, especially as some changes happen for Ben and I.

The spring will bring new opportunities in the form of vacation time, and trips during the week to Pennsylvania to register with staffing agencies and to interview with companies. Until then, I must be content. I miss those in Pennsylvania so much each day, but I have so much here, too. I have family, Ben has family, we have jobs, we live in a great place and we have so much to look forward to.

I will gain all I can from everyday here. I must find all the good in each day and use it, no matter where I am.

goal tending.

I think most people must have some sort of space that inspires them. For some it may be a boat on a lake, for others it may be a mountaintop. For me, my “space” has always been the beach. I love the smell of the salty air, the sounds of the foamy waves as they crash to the shore, and the pale color pallet of white sands and a gray blue ocean. This calm and peaceful place always centers me, reminds me who I am, where I am, and where I’m going. I love the beach so much we even got married there at sunset (I didn’t plan the sunset part). So, it should come as no surprise that going on vacation to the beach would center me and remind me of who I am.

Vacations usually inspire me, regardless of where they are. I think it’s the break from reality that it offers. I’m not thinking about a to-do list, vacuuming, doing laundry, or running errands. On vacation I simply exist. We don’t really plan out our days; we just go with whatever we feel like doing at that moment. I think this break from reality really charges me and helps me think about how I’m doing in this journey we call life. I feel more refreshed and ready to go, which is the whole point of vacation, isn’t it?

I always read when I’m on the beach to pass the time. I have an e-reader but I felt wary about bringing it to the ocean so I picked up a book at Barnes & Noble called The Happiness Project. I have an ever growing list of books I want to read and this was somewhere on it, so I purchased it and planned to read the whole thing that week. Well, I made it through about 200 of the 300 pages, which is honestly remarkably slow for me (one of the perks of vacation). This book is incredible so far, though I’m still reading the end of it.

In The Happiness Project, the author discusses how she thinks she could be happier. She knows she is already happy, and there is no great tragedy going on around her, but she knows she could be a better citizen, daughter, sister, friend, employee, wife and mother. I identified with this sentiment, because while I am generally happy I know that I could be a better citizen, sister, friend, and wife.  So, the author sets small goals on a weekly & monthly basis. I recommend you pick up the book to know more about it, because this isn’t intended to be a book review, just a basis for something I want to do.

The author uses her small goals to make up what she calls her “Happiness Project”. My vacation thoughts combined with this reading had me thinking about doing something similar on my own. I have small goals I’d like to set and keep setting in the future. I think that these smaller goals that go under some overarching themes would certainly make me happier (though, like the author in this case I am definitely happy). I guess you could call it my own Happiness Project, but I am averse to being labeled or labeling things I do, so let’s just say I’m setting goals.

I will be mentioning these goals as I go along, because somehow writing it out will keep me accountable and able to evaluate my progress somehow.  I want to do things like go to bed when I’m tired, do more yoga, stop swearing, go to the dentist more, give more compliments, make smarter purchases, and not mention the socks. I want to do these things to help me stay centered, especially as many big changes happen around me. 

First up: more yoga. I picked yoga first because I feel great when I do yoga and I want to regularly have that sense of feeling so centered, peaceful, and energetic. Those feelings will give me motivation to continue on with my other goals, and other goals will probably happen naturally as a result.