dog days of summer.

it's august.

the month when i think to myself "wait, where did summer go?"

hold on summer, stick around a little longer!

there's so much i want to do!

but, here we are. summer is ending. 

i feel the pressure even more because my summer session at work is in its final week. 

then just 2 weeks off. 

then it's back to the normal routine. 

whoa.

i guess i should give a little summer update, right?

i mean little. 

i can't possibly talk all about my entire summer in this post. 

first, no one cares. 

second, it would be too long. 

let's just say it was full of hot days, projects, good food and baby smiles. 

oh baby smiles, how you melt my heart.

  

blueberry picking with special girls. they made this summer so sweet, and filled a hole in my heart. 

nieces are a precious gift. so is a kind sister-in-law i am so lucky to have.

farm fresh ice cream. farm fresh fruits and veggies bought in the town i love.

sweet snuggles from the sweetest girl. i miss her.

most of my precious family. how i miss the days when we all lived so close. 

new ink. i want more.

still to come: a much needed week of relaxing with my love. 

i can't wait.

i want to post here more, too. 

more about life. 

more about health. 

i'll try.

getting it all done.

sometimes i fall into the trap of thinking i have to do it all.

somehow i'm supposed to come home after being with kids all day who don't know how to listen (literally, we have to teach them to pay attention to us--not their fault) and spend time cleaning and getting my husband to listen to me.

why do i feel like it's my job to make sure everything is "just so"? who said that as a wife i have to make sure everything is clean and in order? granted i do have to cook because i would end up doing it regardless.

as i did the dishes this morning, i found myself wondering why as a wife i think these things are my responsibility. to be fair, i almost never do dishes anymore. that chore has somehow morphed into being what ben does and i'm honestly very okay with that. but the rest of it? well, i somehow manage to make it my burden.

i made a list of all that i want to accomplish this week. and then i decided what things to give ben to do. out of a list of about 30 things, i think he has 7. why? why do i think it's fair to give him only 7 things to do, and burden myself with the other 30? we both work. we both get tired at the end of the day. we both live here and pay to live here.

i need to stop thinking it's somehow my responsibility and start leaving more to share with him.

what really ends up happening is i get so overwhelmed with all i think i have to do that i end up doing nothing, already so exhausted by just the thought of the list.

being a wife doesn't mean it's my job to clean or do anything else wives end up doing. it means i'm part of the team. so it's time to take some burden off of me and share a little. to be fair, this has nothing to do with ben and all to do with me. he doesn't notice when i skip out on things.

the stupid box.

friends, how much tv do you watch? do you feel like it’s too much? we don’t really watch that much tv (maybe 1 or 2 hours a night), but i noticed that slowly our time in front of the tv is increasing, and my satisfaction with my day is decreasing. i hate feeling like a blob on the couch that has done nothing useful that day.

i have tried persuading ben that we don’t need cable, that we’d be fine without it. i have lost that battle as hard as i have tried, but that doesn’t mean changes can’t be made.  i’ve suggested focused tv-watching. this means that we’ve picked out one thing to watch (or ben has picked something because generally it’s him watching and me half paying attention half on pinterest) and that’s it. we know what show we’re picking and when it’s over we’re done. no scrolling through to find something, we watch and we power off. i know i could simply cut cable and say “oh well, it’s gone!” but i want a happy husband and that means a compromise.

i've also thought of having a day where we're "unplugged". no computers, no tv, nothing. i think it would be really eye-opening for us, and provide a motivation to spend less time with the tv or our laptops. 

so, i’ve been trying to make more of an effort to have less tv time in order to have more productive time together with my husband, as well as apart from him so that i can paint, sew, draw, write, create. by sitting on my couch i’m missing so much of what life has to offer. there is so much going on especially in the summer, why sit inside or at least on the couch? we could be doing so much more. i want to learn new games, new crafts, and make our apartment feel more like home.  we’ll both be happier with more time to read, talk, listen, learn, and see.

consider this my reminder to myself to turn off the tv like my ballet teacher always said to. she hated tv and always called it the stupid-box or something like that. i need to remember her disdain for tv and use it as a reminder to do something more productive.

bonds.

{found here}

i have 2 little sisters. one is not so little, and well the other one doesn’t want to be called little but she will always be the baby.

i love when i get to spend time with them, rare as it is.

one lives several states away and i get so excited when she comes home for the summer. i so love any time we get to spend together (usually it’s shopping—her favorite). she has so much potential, so much going for her. i get to see her continue to flourish, to learn, to move into adulthood which can certainly be a painful process. we learn things we don’t want to, we see things we’d rather not, and we learn things about ourselves that we have to do something about. this sister of mine is going to knock our socks off someday, i just know it. i really cherish her.

the little one will always be my baby. she reminds me of what childhood is, and her innocence and joy is such a treasure. she reminds me of what it meant to be a kid and helps me not to take life so seriously. she has cute little phrases that make her sound so grown up, but full of childhood. she almost beats me at mini golf until she gets too distracted by the thought of ice cream to focus on her putts. she loves clothing with sparkles or hideous patterns that i wouldn’t dream of wearing. she’s precious, and is 8 going on 13. we’re all doomed.

i used to wish i had a brother, or brothers. but now, i’m glad i don’t. the bond between sisters is unlike any other and it cannot be understood but by those women who are lucky enough to have one.  i love being a big sister. i didn’t always love it, though. it’s hard having 2 younger ones who want what you have now, who try to be like you and it really turns into annoyance. it’s hard to have the burden of responsibility, to show them how to be a woman, how to have self respect, how to be a girl, how to grow. but i love this. i hope they see through my mistakes and realize that i love being their big sister.

i don’t get to see these precious girls very often, but any moment that i do lights up my day. i love them and i’d be lost without them.