best friends.

"I don't want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat. I want to see you guys high five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun. I want to hear about it because I know it's possible, and because I want it for myself." 

- Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)

***

there are times when ben and i are laughing so hard our stomachs hurt, or sitting talking with each other, or cooking together that i remember "he is my best friend." 

whether i'm sitting and watching some ridiculous manly show on the discovery channel with him, or i'm making him watch a girlie movie, or we're shopping at target together, or eating dinner together, or taking a road trip, i know that we're really enjoying each other. 

it's important to enjoy each other in marriage. it's not about the heavy stuff, it's about being friends. 

yes, i love ben. a lot. but i also like him. 

i love being around him. we make each other laugh and do really embarrassing things together that create a stronger bond. 

take the photo for example. 

we were goofing around, taking tons of pictures. during this picture we didn't know what the other was doing. we know what the other finds funny, and so we did that. 

it's moments like those that make our marriage great. 

obviously we're only a little over a year into this lifelong journey, but i'm glad we have a large part of the battle understood. it's about having fun and liking the person you're married to. i'm lucky and thankful to have that.

not a typical friday night.

(here)

we finally did it. well, sort of.

my goal for a night unplugged finally happened, and rather organically.

i've been talking about how i want to get rid of cable if something doesn't change. having a husband who only wants to watch tv for fun officially wore me out on friday and i asked if we could go out for dinner and spend time without the tv on.

this was easy for me, hard for him. he kept rushing me through things. we were talking and he said "when are we playing scrabble?" he even asked if we could watch a movie afterwards. i love this man, but this need to always have a tv on is driving me crazy!

after hours of talking, silliness and 2 games of scrabble (1 regular and 1 speed round) i gave in and let him pick a movie.

this little experiment on friday really showed me that my husband needs to find other things to do besides stare at the television and i need to find ways to help him do that. it's easy for me, but hard for him (which is okay).

i'm determined to keep this experiment going. there is no more tv on unless there is something specific that wants to be watched. i know it probably seems like i harp on this on my blog but it's a real struggle around here, and i'm being honest.

i don't think we need a specific day where we aren't allowed to use the tv, laptops or phones, but some time every now and then is probably good for our brains and our relationship.

consider this my last post about the stupid television. more to come about simple and clean living, crafts and holidays!

laughter.

{here}

"all you need in the world is love and laughter. that's all anybody needs. to have love in one hand and laughter in the other." ~august wilson

getting it all done.

sometimes i fall into the trap of thinking i have to do it all.

somehow i'm supposed to come home after being with kids all day who don't know how to listen (literally, we have to teach them to pay attention to us--not their fault) and spend time cleaning and getting my husband to listen to me.

why do i feel like it's my job to make sure everything is "just so"? who said that as a wife i have to make sure everything is clean and in order? granted i do have to cook because i would end up doing it regardless.

as i did the dishes this morning, i found myself wondering why as a wife i think these things are my responsibility. to be fair, i almost never do dishes anymore. that chore has somehow morphed into being what ben does and i'm honestly very okay with that. but the rest of it? well, i somehow manage to make it my burden.

i made a list of all that i want to accomplish this week. and then i decided what things to give ben to do. out of a list of about 30 things, i think he has 7. why? why do i think it's fair to give him only 7 things to do, and burden myself with the other 30? we both work. we both get tired at the end of the day. we both live here and pay to live here.

i need to stop thinking it's somehow my responsibility and start leaving more to share with him.

what really ends up happening is i get so overwhelmed with all i think i have to do that i end up doing nothing, already so exhausted by just the thought of the list.

being a wife doesn't mean it's my job to clean or do anything else wives end up doing. it means i'm part of the team. so it's time to take some burden off of me and share a little. to be fair, this has nothing to do with ben and all to do with me. he doesn't notice when i skip out on things.

one.

one year ago i walked on a sandy beach towards his smiling face.

i walked by myself. it was daunting, and i was very nervous about being the center of attention for those long 30 seconds.

it was so worth it.

the first year of marriage is awesome and challenging. i knew ben so well before, and still have really yet to be surprised by anything he does or says. but that doesn’t mean we didn’t grow or change or learn things about love, our relationship and what we want for the years to come.

we’ve set the foundation.

of course we can change as needed, but this was a really important year. i’m not just saying that because it’s what every married person says. i actually mean it. there is some adjustment, some learning, and some growing. i know so much more about myself now than i did before.  i know how bad my worst really is, and i know how good my best is capable of being, all because of a man who loves me through all of it.

i have a partner for life. someone who will be here through everything. we are a team, and i love it.

i feel like i’ve been missing something by not being married before. everyone should get married. and frankly, everyone should be able to get married.

i live with a wonderful man who makes me laugh every single day. we can act so ridiculously together and have so much fun. that is what life is about. having fun. enjoying each other. really liking the person you’re with.

sometimes hearing “i love you” kind of loses its intensity. but when someone says they actually like you, that’s big. and i know that ben likes me. and for the record, i really like him. he is the best man i know, who really makes me want to be the best woman he knows (he would tell you that i am, but i know far better women).

we celebrated our anniversary (which was yesterday) with a whale watch, and a trip to our beach. as we sat watching the sunset as we did a year ago, i thought of how i felt like we’d always been married, but at the same time it felt as though we were literally there yesterday getting married.

i will say that the sunset following a hurricane is much more beautiful than the one we experienced yesterday. so i’m thankful for that hurricane 363 days ago that made our wedding at sunset so beautiful.

happy anniversary, ben.

sailing the friend-ship

lately i’ve really been thinking a lot about what it means to be a friend. i don’t just mean someone you talk to every now and then who might know something about you, but a real true friend. the older i get, the more i realize how important these relationships are—the friendships i have.

being married means that i’m always around my very best friend. but being married also means that my other closest friends need to become a more focused priority for me. in highschool, that’s what it was all about—having friends and having fun. in college i learned that having adult friends is different, and can be something lifelong. i learned how to live with someone else, and how to keep up friendships when our lives are going in different directions.

now i find myself in that adult part of life when everyone has jobs, spouses (or significant others), and maybe even children. suddenly it’s not so easy to just go out for coffee, or go shopping. if i talk to my very closest childhood friend more than a few times a month i feel lucky. spending precious time with this friend one time during a month is a real treasure to me.

marriage is its own adjustment, and in that adjustment i’ve had to learn how to balance all the relationships in my life while keeping my most important relationship with my husband as the priority. there are times when i have been truly sad and longing for more time with my friends (especially in the first few months of marriage). now that nearly a year has passed, i find myself coming out of the newly-married caccoon and reaching out for more friendship connection. i long for connection with other young women—with my friends.

i often wonder how i can be a better friend, and short of bluntly asking my friends, i have spent time contemplating and wondering what it means to have an adult friendship as our lives get busier and busier. i don’t think things like facebook and twitter even remotely help build and maintain a friendship. sure, it’s good for keeping in touch with long-distance family but i often find i feel more negative feelings about facebook than positive ones. i don’t use it to keep in touch with friends and if anything i think it hinders our abilities to spend real time talking and spending time with our friends.  what does help friendships are the little things. friendship is not comprised of big moments, it’s those quick conversations, those secrets, the trust, the understanding. these little things are really the big things. this is how to be a better friend. it’s the quick notes to say hello, the quick “feel better!” note.

friendship is work, and needs focusing. we are going to need each other to understand our lives, to have a woman to talk to about jobs, having a husband, having a baby. i really love my friends, and as i contemplate these ways to be a better friend, i feel lucky to have such wonderful women in my life who are all good friends, and who really teach me about what it means to be a good friend in return.

road trip!

When we got married a little more than 10 months ago, Ben & I decided we would delay our honeymoon in order to save some money and really figure out where we wanted to go. September is not the ideal time for going anywhere with a beach due to hurricanes, and we knew we wanted the beach. So, we waited until the end of June and decided to go to Myrtle Beach, SC. I'd been numerous times as a child but Ben had never gone there before and we thought would be a great combination of relaxation and having something to do.

We stopped to visit some family in Pennsylvania on our way down. It wasn't exactly on the way so to speak, but any chance to be near those beautiful farms and the fresh air that I get, I take.

After a couple restful nights with family, our drive began again. This drive was much longer, but it landed us happily on the beach at the end of the day. We stayed at this great resort with many different hotels on it. We loved it. We spent our days at the beach or the pool, followed by dinner and mini golf and a return trip to the beach. It was so hot that our return trips at night were definitely the most enjoyable because we got some relief from the very high temperatures combined with humidity.

We really loved our vacation, and even planned another while we were there (not to Myrtle, but where we want to go next). We got to spend so much time together without distractions, and I know we need to make more of those moments here at home. It can be so hard sometimes in the busyness of life to just sit and enjoy each others company and talk, but it's so important! We made goals together, plans, talked about what was next, and just had so much fun. I made a lot of other goals while we were away, too and I'll share those tomorrow.

For rest and no distractions.