recently i have had a change of thinking on this whole baby thing. ever since we started on this new road of loss, pain, sadness, hoping, testing and waiting in our baby journey, i've been trying to figure out what it will be like from here on out. what happens if my body can't carry a baby? am i meant to do something else? how will we get our baby?
but then, something changed. instead of thinking about it in a way that means that i'm getting my baby, i began to think about this beautiful baby choosing me.
our baby is "out there" somewhere. she's waiting (yes, i like to think/hope our baby is a girl) for us. she's waiting for the perfect moment to come into our lives and change us forever.
maybe she'll come by being carried by another woman who ben and i choose to carry her for us. maybe she'll be made and brought into this world by a different mama, but we will be hers.
she chooses us. someday, somehow a baby will choose me to be her mama and she will choose ben to be her dad.
this helps, this thinking. this reminds me that the gift of a baby is just that, a gift. i will be the luckiest woman in the world to be chosen to be someone's mama. it reminds me to be patient. it reminds me that life takes twists and turns, but out of the horrible parts (and there have been many of those), there are great gifts.
we're waiting, baby. whenever you're ready.
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